why are we so stupid?

We all want love.
We all want to be loved.
To be wanted, adored, needed...desired...
We understand it.
We recognize that we aren't reasonable about it, we know we open ourselves up for hurt in our quest for find happiness...

and yet...

and yet - it still comes back and bites us in the ass.

For those of you freaking out because I'm married - I know, I know - I'm not talking about myself...

I have a friend ( yes, very funny, I know! I'm STILL not talking about me) and she's having a really hard time. Yes, she knows this man was no good for her. yes, she knows (somewhere deep, deep inside) that he is a giant piece of shit and in no way worthy of her tears and angst...

She knows, because we all told her -and she's not stupid - she knows and yet she hurts and it kills all of us that we have to sit back and watch her suffer.

Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we hurt ourselves over people who, not only aren't worth it, but we know are bad for us? There isn't anything I can say to my friend to make her feel better, except to tell her that we love her, that she's worthy of better...and still she cries.

She is so afraid (after 16 years of a horrible, awful marriage) that no one will ever love her for herself. It's so sad that we allow these small, narrow-minded, self-absorbed fuckers (excuse my language) to make us feel less that we are - less that we deserve...

Here's to all my girlfriends - to every woman who has ever let a crappy man make her feel less than what she is and has suffered for someone else's crap.

I love you Sweetie...You rock!

Life in the slow lane...or at least the sticky one

My goodness, I'm not sure I even remember how to blog.  Certainly, I'm having issues re-learning to type on the computer.  All I ever use any more is my Blackberry and it has auto correct - so any miss-punctuation, etc - I'm sorry.

This has been a crazy 10 months.  I won't recap.  Crazy covers it, but it still isn't very exciting...

What I will do is tell you where we are now...

We live In Salt Lake City - actually a suburb of said city - in a lovely rental.  (OMG, I miss my house and my kitchen).  But it is a real house and we are much happier than before.  My little man, who has had such a harder time than we have, is attending public school and doing really well.  Most of the problems he had after attending his previous "school" have disappeared and he is adjusting pretty well.  He was officially diagnosed with Autism in February, so he is getting help in his school.  They are really wonderful with him and it makes me so happy that he's enjoying school for a change.  Evidently, keeping him out of school for four months didn't hurt him too much academically, he is still ahead of his class.  He does still have issues with being able to stay in his class the whole time, but he has a safe room for when he's over-whelmed.  They are really good to him there.  It eases my mind so much.

Hubby is working.  A good job with decent benefits and he actually gets a paycheck!  Score one for our team. 

I hopefully haven't complained too much about my job (whining is So unattractive).  I am still working there.  Its quite a commute, but I am getting paid and can (kind of) set my own hours...so it isn't all bad.

I don't know...it has been such a long journey to get here.  But 'here' doesn't seem so bad right now.  Hubby says "everything happens for a reason".  So I guess there is a reason for this trip, lets just hope the painful part is over for now...

Missed you all.

Missed your voices, your stories, your support.

Here's to a new chapter - Sticky's back!

Wake me when it's Tomorrow

Ever have one of those days...?

You know the one I mean - by the time you realize you should have just stayed in bed, it's way too late to do anything about it?

Yeah, that's the day I'm having.

It is Friday, tho'.  That's a good thing, right?!  Doesn't the weekend make everything better...?

I'm having cooking withdrawals.  i just don't get to cook like I used to and I miss it.

And the ocean.  I miss the ocean.

And, evidently, I should miss having anything interesting to write about.  Just sitting here, staring at the screen and everything sounds whiny and boring.  Maybe I just need a little mental vacation...visualize warm sandy beaches...fruity drinks with little umbrellas...half naked cabana 'boy'...

Sigh

I used to have this blog...

A long, long time ago...in a galaxy far, far away...

I used to have thoughts that had nothing to do with work or children.  I used to cook and garden.  I used to write and chat with my friends.  Sigh.  I never used to get 150 text messages a day about scheduling, menus, money, service and promotions.  I never used to feed my kid fast food and use cartoons to babysit.  I never used to leave him with "strangers" (ok, not really strangers, but not me and not school) five days a week.  I never used to come home at 9 or 10pm five nights a week.  I never used to miss being a mom (and a wife) so much.

I need a change.  Nothing is worth missing my family.  Nothing is worth the look on my boy's face EVERYDAY when I leave for work and when I come home.  Nothing is worth the tone in my husband's voice when he asks how late I have to work "this time". 

I want my family back.  I want my home back.  I want my life back.

So, I'm doing it.  I'm making a change and taking control.  Wish me luck...

I don't even know if it's bad news or good news anymore...

Its official.

We got booted out of Catholic School. And it wasn't even for bad Jesus jokes.

It was done very nicely, of course. They weren't rude. But it was clear they were very happy to see us go.

They suggested some sort of ADD drugs, or that I could pay for a full time aid in AJ's classroom (at $10 an hour), but without one of those things, they were unable to handle him. So much for the expensive private school.

We went to our new pediatrician. She is actually very helpful and understanding. She agreed that we should pull him out of the Catholic school until we get some testing done to find out exactly what his problems are and how to properly address them, not just throw drugs at him until he follows direction. We agreed that his self esteem is suffering (he asked the Dr. for new DNA, because his is making him bad) and she added that he is too far ahead of public school kindergarten to put him there right now.
His behaviors would probably get worse if he's bored with the curriculum.

The bad part is that we can't get in for a pre-testing meeting until December 7th. That's a really long time to be out of school. I'm at a bit of a loss... I have homework and things that we study at home, but he doesn't get a any interaction with other kids.

I'm so torn. I'm happy to have him out of a school that didn't want him, I'm happy that we are getting tested at the Children's Hospital, but I'm so sad that this has to be so hard. It's kindergarten...it just shouldn't be this way. I just want people to see the bright, funny, smart, wonderful boy that I see everyday (Bad DNA, or not!).

Anyone have any ideas? I've gotten so much great advice here, but I haven't been at this extreme before. I do have a meeting set with the school board here, but I'm a little reluctant to put him into a new school now, when we might have to change again after the testing...help!
Sent via BlackBerry from Cheri

I'm laughing, I'm crying...ok, there's really more crying.

My son has discovered Jesus.

There are those of you who are thanking God right now that I have actually managed to pass on something worthwhile to the poor boy...screw you guys, it was an accident.

He is going to a private, Catholic kindergarten. Right, now pick yourselves up off the floor, stop laughing and pay attention to the rest of the sordid story.

Prior to his induction in this most sacred institution (I totally wrote 'scared' the first time i tried to type sacred, hee hee) his idea of Jesus Christ was...and I quote...

"Jesus Christ is a swear word and when you say it, you get nailed to a cross and then crucified"

Then beer came out of my nose and I yelled "Je-sus Christ! Where did you hear that?!"
Yep. Mom of the Year. That's me. I know you are all so very proud.
Now, before we have to have a religious discussion, let me say that I'm am not proud of that, so much as unhappy that I couldn't place all the blame squarely on my husband"s head...continuing on with my story...

Enter Catholic School and now every time I turn around, Jesus is upset with me over something. I just can't catch a break. Evidently, that guy is EVERYWHERE (or so I'm told)

Recently, AJ got sent home from school. I had sent him to his room, so as to make "day at home with Mommy" less of a reward, when i heard him talking...

"Dude, who are you talking to?"

"I'm talking to Jesus."

"Really. Well, what does Jesus have to say?"

"He says that he is a little disappointed in you."

"In me? Really? Why would he be disappointed in me?"

"Because you are mad at me for getting sent home from school."

"I would think he would be more disappointed in you for getting sent home from school."

"yeah, well - Jesus loves me. My teacher said so"

*silence*

(mumble, mumble)

"that is Jesus' last name Mommy, you aren't supposed to say it like that"


We were going along fine after that. Well, not really - he is having a horrible time at school. Not with learning, he is reading, writing, adding and telling time - not bad for kindergarten...but he can't sit still or pay attention or listen to his teachers. He talks and makes noises in class, runs away and tears up his work with little or no provocation.

So, I guess I shouldn't really be too surprised that he was "suspended" today. I really had no idea they could do that to a 5 year old. They may let him back if we can come up with a plan with a pediatrician. (Secretly, I think that means after we medicate him)

I was so very against those types of medications, especially for a child so young...but I'm trying to be open minded I'm trying to think of what is best for my beautiful boy. He has to be so unhappy, he knows we aren't happy with his behavior and yet it never changes. We haven't had a "good day" in longer than I can remember.

I just want him to have a good life - to be happy - to have friends - for others to see him like I do, not just as a problem.

Do any of you have any experience with this? any advice? Any way to get Jesus off my back?

ick

On a stranger note...

I love you Jason Statham, I really do. But Crank 2 was just awful. Sorry.
I finally get a night off and this is what you give me? Even the sight of your naked ass couldn't make this movie any better.