Tales of my death have been widely exaggerated...but I might be slightly more crazy than before

Wow. It took about five minutes of staring at the date on my last post, to be brave enough to hit "new post". What do I say to y'all??

Thanks for continuing to follow me?
Thanks for being patient?

It has been so long since i have talked to anyone, written anyone one or even had a chance to analyze my own feelings. I kept telling myself I was too busy to blog and that it wouldn't really help anyway. That I wouldn't be able to put my true feelings here, because certain people could read it and it would hurt their feelings, because I'm in a different place now and the same people might not be interested in what I have to say now.

Well....

The hell with that.

This is MY blog. I'll say what ever the hell I like and if you don't like it, please don't read it anymore.

If you are involved in my current life and don't like reading me bitch about how completely F'ed up it is - go away. I am allowed to feel anyway I like and to express that anyway I like. So there. (By the way, my potty mouth is much worse than before , so excuse the swearing - it will get worse, I promise)

So, here is the story in a nutshell...

Hubby lost job, hubby got unemployment - did side jobs for cash - all was well. Old friend called with offers for jobs for both of us. Although I didn't want to go back to full time work, especially in restaurant, we decided it would be a positive move for family. We sold our lovely house (oh, my beautiful kitchen), left all my family (including my 86 YO Gramma) and all of our friends, sold most of our stuff and moved to Utah (in 3 weeks).

Fast forward three months.

I am working 50+ hours a week for someone who treats me like a moron. A stupid moron. For a pitiful amount of money. My poor husband works 10-12 hours a day, six days a week - and gets paid nothing. My beautiful, smart, funny, sensitive boy is in Catholic School kindergarten and acting out like crazy. We live in a rented trailer with no yard and a tiny kitchen and I want to go home SO badly I can barely stand it.

There isn't even anyone I can blame. Hubby tries to blame himself, but we agreed, so that's no fair. I agreed to the temporarily small salary, but I had no idea it was going to be this bad. And "supposedly" hubby is going to be a partner in this business he's doing - but he is the only one putting in the hours he does, away from his family and he is the only one not getting paid. And they don't think he deserves a full partnership...yet.

I have been so fuckin' angry and lost and confused. And sad and stupidly guilty. I'm trying not to add to hubby's stress...but I just want to yell and scream and swear...

Ok, enough whining.

How are you guys?

I have tried to read - here and there. But it's hard to spend ANY of the time I have away from work, doing anything but hangin' with my boy.

I promise to be here more, to write more, to listen more...I'll probably say "fuck" more, but you can forgive that, can't you?

I think feeling so alone has actually made this whole thing much worse. I need you guys - I need my friends...

So, I'm back. Still love me?