Do I have to go where they tell me? or I don't wanna, you can't make me

I keep staring at this blank page...

I have lots of things rolling around in my head, as usual. I just have problems getting them out. Part of the issue seems to be that none of these things are very interesting. Really - I'm quite dull. There is no drama, no intrigue, no shouting matches or drunken half-naked shenanigans...I did poke my husband in the eye this morning, while we were sleeping. It was an accident (he did accuse me of subconsciously wanting to poke him, which I do not deny) but there wasn't any yelling, only a few whimpers -which I stopped as soon as he quieted down long enough to let me go back to sleep (selfish much?).

Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favor of drama free living (for me - -you need drama so I have something to entertain me) - it just doesn't make very interesting blogging. I'm sure you don't want to hear a story about my 5 year old future stalker telling his teaching aid she is "pretty when she's sleeping"(they were in the nap room!)


I do have a few bits of Mommy angst. My son is in a Montessori school. I can't begin to tell you much he has changed and grown in the year since we moved him there. We love them. He also has a few aides from an Early Intervention Program, because of his autism.


Here is my problem (or problem 1 on the list of related issues):

Technically, he can't go to kindergarten at this school next year. This school is not a charter school and so has no contract with the school board in our district. That means if we want him to go there, he has to go like it's a private school - full tuition, no services for his autism. I think 7 grand for kindergarten is a wee bit beyond my means.


We can go to kindergarten at the regular elementary school. Kids have done it foe years, right? It could be great. I know that. In my heart I know that.

But here is where I have concerns. AJ has high functioning autism. The good news is that he is verbal, he does well academically, he makes eye contact, tells me he loves me and gets along (most of the time) with the kids at school. The bad news is that he is more likely to be seen only as a child that has or causes problems, not as a child that just needs a little extra help or a little more time to work through an issue.

This happened at the school he went to before Montessori. It was very hard on all of us, heartbreaking really. (I never knew little kids could be that mean)

The town next to us has a Montessori school that goes all the way to eigth grade AND it is a charter school, so it counts as a public school. Unfortunately, we aren't in the same school district. We can apply and maybe get a spot. They hold a lottery for open positions, with preference given to in-district kids. And then, if by some miracle we got a place - we would have to petition our district school board to let him go and to pay for it.


Confused yet? God knows I am. And it's only February...school doesn't even start until September. I think I had 4 phone calls about this yesterday and I have three meetings next week about it.

I don't want to be that mom. I don't want him in a bubble. I don't want to excuse his every move, every tantrum or every bad behavior with "autism". It just seems to me that the Montessori methods, their insistance on self discipline, self reliance and respect work for him. He is able to work through his sensory issues there and learn. He loves to learn. He is addicted to the Discovery Channel and the Science Channel. I want the school he goes to - to be able to help him cope with the hard stuff, so he can get the education he needs and wants. Right now he is so interested in reading and writing and learning, I don't want him to lose that. I just want him to have a fair shot.

I doubt we will get into that school. But I'm not going to stop pushing until I find the right place for him.

I think the school board is tired of me already. Are we supposed to just send our kids wherever they tell us to go? Just because it's the closest school, doesn't mean it's the right place...at least I don't think it does...hell, I'm so confused now...



Maybe I'm making too big a deal of this...

Can I call it spontaneous??

I want to know how everyone else writes their blogs...

Do you write ahead? Schedule your posts?

You you follow the same plan each week? Do you ever cheat?

Do you plan them out? write outlines?

How long does it take you to get a post published?

I think maybe I need to do better planning...

Sometimes I have ideas about things I would like to write about...sometimes things happen that I KNOW I have to write about...obviously I find websites, posts or blogs that I just have to share with everyone...

But, lots of times (ok, almost all the time) I just open up the laptop and see what happens.

So many people have such wonderful daily posts: Sunday Ramblings, Musical Mondays, Tribute Tuesdays, Teaching Tuesdays, Totally Awkward Tuesdays, Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, Wordful and Wordless Wednesday, Wednesday Winners, Thousand Word Thursday, Photostory Friday and I can't leave out Monday Morning Eye Candy (yummy!! - Thanks Angie). I know there are many, many more out there...I just can't seem to get with the program and keep up with everyone.

I think I spend too much of my limited online time reading blogs, not writing them.

I really do want to thank everyone that comes here anyway and reads my aimlessly rambling posts...

I would love to hear about how you blog, what DO you do...?

Give a girl some inspiration....

Something a little violent

Once upon a time there was a girl...

No, wait ... I have a "friend"...

Ok. Fine, already...me. It was me.

About 15 years ago I quit my job, packed my things and moved away from all my friends and family to a city I had never been to, with no job and no one I knew - except for my boyfriend.

The boyfriend that beat me up.

I thought I was a pretty tough girl. I always said I would never let anyone hit me. I was so much smarter than" that girl". It would never happen to me.

It started so small, it was almost unnoticeable. We had a big fight, I made him very angry and he swung me around and threw me into a door. It seemed like an accident, I mean I'm the one who started the fight, right? Then the next time. Then the next. Soon I was hiding in the closet and covering bruises with makeup. telling myself that he didn't mean it and that he would never do it again. telling my friends and my coworkers that I was "fell down the stairs" or "walked into the door". It was classic - -but I just couldn't see it.

With each incident I was more invested in the lie. More scared and humiliated by the truth. More sure that there was no where to go and no one to help.

I didn't have any friends, I had no one to tell (to be honest, I wouldn't have anyway). It was, and still is actually- a difficult thing to talk about. I thought it was my fault.

I had no idea that he was getting high. Well, snorting (and cooking coke) Snorting coke and beating the crap out of me. There's a pretty picture, huh?

I was so naive that I didn't even know until months later that he had a drug problem. I had never seen him do drugs...

I guess that's all beside the point...

I got survived. I got away.

But, I did it alone. It would be wonderful if that didn't ever have to happen to anyone else. At least they should know they aren't alone.

Yeah. Not the usual post for me, I know.

Maggie at Ok, Fine, Dammit - a wonderful person and great writer, has gone out on a limb and started a truly inspirational website.

"Violence UnSilenced was created with the sole intention of shedding light on the epidemics of domestic violence and sexual assault by giving their survivors a voice."

She has only had it up a couple of days and the response has been incredible.

It makes me happy that there is a place like this to go - but so sad that there are so many in need of it.

Please take a moment and visit. Read a story. Leave a comment. Show support.

There are so many women all around us that need help...

Who can I blame THIS one on?

I saw this over at Stiletto Mom and had to try it... it's called Wordle and it's pretty fun!

From Drop Box

I'm looking at all these words and drawing a blank...

I'm sure I never said most of those things.

(I blame TattooedMiniVanMom for all the dirty words!)

Loving clitar right in the middle!

Comment Love for Autism

I got this email a little while ago... (thanks Julie at The Cool Mom Guide, you rock!)

Elizabeth at Party Planning Professor has accepted a challenge from Rawtism.com that will help raise money for AutismSpeaks.

She has a great post on Autism at her site. For every comment left on that post, Rawtism.com will donate $0.25 to AutismSpeaks. Elizabeth's goal is to collect 400 comments by 12:00 am EST Monday.

PLEASE go and visit this post and leave a comment, it is a great post and it will take 2 minutes of your time. If you have a blog and you feel so inclined, I would consider it a great personal favor if you would spread the word so that even more people are aware.

We all work hard hard to get fit and together can accomplish so much, let's help a friend achieve her goal! Two minutes from you can give so much to support Autism! We only have a little over 24 hours!

I'm very happy with anything that raises awareness for autism. You all may know that my little man is affected by it and I think everyone could stand to learn a little more about it.

So go, read a little post and make a little comment - raise a quarter, make a difference...


Thanks so much,

I need a 'Do-Over' really, really badly!

It is a given that I am no longer as clever as I thought I was.

I don't know if it's the infamous "mom brain", or getting older, or the hole in the ozone layer allowing the frying of my brain cells, or that I was just never that smart in the first place...BUT I should have known better. I really should have.

Clearly, looking back over the last few posts, even someone who doesn't know me at all, would be - like horror movie watchers yelling "don't go in the basement, stupid teenager" - advising me not to try to upgrade my (precious) phone (my only current safe connection to the outside world) by using my constantly crashing and recrashing laptop.

Unfortunately, I paid no more attention than those scantily clad girls looking for the fuse box in the (dark and scary) basement (of the imprisoned? serial killer's old house) while their boyfriends checked upstairs on the kids she was babysitting...(it is Friday the 13th, kids!)

Damn me.

I really don't know what I was thinking. The laptop seemed to be working alright. It hadn't crashed in 1/2 and hour (or so) and I managed to de-frag the drive, everything looked good.

To be honest - -Blackberry lured me in with promises of upgraded Premium software...of the amazing things my phone would be able to do when I was done...I can't even begin to describe the apps... (seriously, it turned my camera phone into a video phone. TRY to tell me that isn't cool!)

I got it all started and there was a warning page. I know, I know - a warning page! Hello!!...I did stare at it for a long time. (that's probably what did it, right there! if I hadn't wasted valuable time...)

It said that it would back up the phone, erase the phone (oh God) and then re-install.

Easy, peasey, right?

I'm sure it is no surprise to any of you that the computer crashed right in the middle of the whole process.

It's actually astounding that it never occurred to me that it might, until it happened. I'm know you guys probably saw this coming yesterday or something.

and it happened at 11:00 last night so, I had to just leave it and go to bed.

The good news is - I can still receive emails. And my phone takes video (cool!)
Bad news?
Can't send them. I have no addresses, no calender, no info at all.
No way to blog, no way to respond to comments.
I'm posting this from work right now...
so all of you out there, reading this...*sob* I love you... I miss you...I hope to be back soon...





PS: - Hubby said I can use "his" computer to post over the weekend. "His" - that's just great.

Antibiotics for my laptop?

It's not looking good folks....my poor baby can't go more than 10 minutes without shutting off. Its making me crazy!!
I know I've only talked about my love for my blackberry...but my laptop love is not to be taken lightly. It has all my stuff on it- all my books, all my bloggy stuff, photos...and it is almost impossible to leave comments with my BB. I will be replying (as usual) thru email, hopefully I'll be leaving you comment love again soon!!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

TMM's Slightly Inappropriate And Fully Nosey MeMe

So.
I have used approximately two boxes of kleenex since yesterday...
about two pounds of cold medicine...
my nose is so red Rudolph is threatening to sue for copyright infringement...
my eyes hurt, my nose won't stop running and it feels like a cow is standing on my sinuses...

To put it bluntly, I feel like crap and I'm CRANKY...

So to celebrate, I'm doing Tattooed Minivan Mom's meme. So there.

And away we go...

1. Have you ever skipped school?

Hell yeah! Until we moved to a tiny town where my dad taught at the college. I could not fart without him knowing about it. No more skipping...

2. What is your favorite naughty word? son-of-a-bitch - all time favorite

3. Have you ever been arrested? nope, but I did get driven home by the cops once in high school after I got drunk and got in a fight with my boyfriend (small town)

4. Do you and your spouse have a code that you use when you want sex? My husband very cleverly says "wanna fool around" He's a wild one...

5. Do you have special names for....ahem...you know, either cute ones that you have your kids use or nasty ones that you and your spouse use? The adults use the real ones (for the most part), my son uses boobies and peepee. He argued with the doctor when the doctor tried to tell him it was penis. "Actually, it's called a peepee."

6. How many drinks does it take to get you sloshed? About two, I am easy and a cheep date...wanna come over? You know you want me..*wipes nose with sleeve*

7. Do you always wash your hands after you go potty or are you one of those gross people who comes out of the toilet in a public restroom and fixes their hair then leaves without washing? ALWAYS WASH MY HANDS. Always.

8. When was the last time you played the clitar, dialed 9 on a rotary phone or spanked your monkey? It's been a really long time. I'm holding out on myself until I start helping out around here. I'm tired of doing all the work...

9. What's your favorite smell that others would consider weird?

10. What's your favorite adult beverage? Gin. Oh, but I do like vodka and rum...but TMM, that means the tequila is all yours!

11. Favorite old school cartoon? Tom & Jerry

12. If you won the lottery what is the first thing you would do with the money? (If you say donate to charity you're a fucken liar. I said the FIRST thing you'd do.) Uhh...truck for hubby, finish my kitchen remodel...finally!!!

13. Have you ever fed a dog peanut butter just to see what would happen? No

14. Favorite blond joke? A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

15. Have you ever undressed Barbie and Ken and made them do it? Sheesh, who hasn't? I was a little surprised that Ken and GI Joe got together so quickly afterward. I think Barbie was just his beard...

16. Did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary? really? I can't believe that!

17. Shittiest car you've ever had? I thought it was shitty at the time, 1982 Jeep, I would KILL to have it back...

18. Most risque place you've ever done it? picnic table in the park
19. Most old embarrassing ass song that you just LOVE no matter what anyone thinks? I love Barry Manilow...sorry

20. Ever puked out a car window? oh yeak....ick...

21. Should I let D get an alpaca? Only if he promises that he'll never bring you the wool (or whatever it is) and ask you to knit him a sweater... Dude wants an alpaca, let him have one!



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PS - she also claims I could lose a bunch of followers by doing Meme...that would never happen...right??? :)

I am a bad wife.

Hi, my name is Sticky and I'm a bad wife. It's true, There's no hiding it (apparently).

I let my cute little baby boy come between me & my husband ( Yes, I KNOW he's Five now, do I NEED more help?!)

I am admitting fault, I am. But it wasn't all me...we like doing things as a family. We've just always done all our things together. I don't have any huge desire to go running out to the bar (I can drink in my own house, without ever getting out of my jammies), so I just never made an effort to go out. I don't have many girlfriends and the one I do know (face to face, anyway) go to bed sadly early and don't really drink. Sigh.

Hubby goes out and plays pool. I used to as well, but I just haven't cared enough to get into it again. Maybe I should have made a bigget effort to get involved...

It is a little embarrasing to admit that tonight will be the first time Hubby and I have gone out alone since Little Dude was born.

Sad, huh.

I love my Hubby. I really do. He really is my best friend, a great hubby and daddy and that dude can fix ANYTHING! He's awesome. We do have our ups and downs (like everyone else) and there are times when I get the urge to kill him, slowly and painfully - but I would do it with love, always with love...

That being said, it has recently come to my attention *cough-hadabigfight-cough* that I have perhaps become a little neglectful in the wiferly department. WTF?!

Me?
Neglectful?
But I... uh... well, it was... but I... it's only been...

Crap.

I feel like shit. Really I do.

I can totally understand neglecting the laundry, the cleaning (I'm breeding dustbunnies to sell! I have reasons!), the nightly (ha!) home cooked meals... cuz I already neglect all that stuff, anyway. But failing to give my Baby the affection he deserves...that's just wrong.

Seriously. Don't everyone avert their eyes, I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about affection. I just can't imagine I have been so close minded, so focused on other things (ok, maybe a little depressed) that I didn't even notice what was going on. I really am a bad wife.

So, to make up for the errors of my ways, we are -for the very first time- dropping Junior off at Friday Night Gymnastics, and going out to dinner.

Alone.

Did I say alone? What are we going to talk about? Holy Hell, what am I going to wear? Wait, is this like a date? I'm so unprepared...

I'm all about fixin' my ways. Anybody out there have any advice for me? I know I was all crackin' jokes up there, but I do feel really badly about this.
Anyone else ever let their lives just take everything over?
Ever lose sight of the good things you have in the face of your daily chaos?
I would love to hear about it...

(and what do you think - the sexy panties, right?)

"Bullets in My Lunch Box" or "Why I need more therapy, Oprah"

UPDATE:

I had a great talk with AJ's teacher (who was totally appalled about the bullet) and she spoke with the other parents. It was a one time incident that mom discovered the same way I did. Anyhow, they have taken care of the problem, will not happen again - very embarrased and apologetic...
And the class had a talk about "dangerous things"

I already bitched about this on Secret Spineless Whine, but I'm just so shocked that I'm totally whining here too...

I'll start from the beginning (lucky you, I know)...

I picked Mister up from his wonderful Montessori Preschool at 2:30, as usual. Got home and we decided that we wanted to play some Wii games. As I sat him on my lap, I felt something hard in his back pocket. Pulled it out thinking it was a pen or a crayon or something and what I found was one of these...










Yep, it's the ever popular .300 Winchester Magnum.

"The .300 Win Mag is a cartridge for large game hunting and long-range shooting. It sees use in long-range benchrest competition and has been adopted by Law Enforcement Marksman and by a few specific branches of the US Military for use by their snipers."

Thank you so much, Wikipedia.

I called the Hubby. Wanted to make sure it was actually REAL before I called the school in hysterics or IF I should bother to call the school in hysterics...

One thing I can count on from hubby...when I'm unsure about something he can pick up the slack! Turns out the bullet is real and is he ever pissed off.

According to Junior, a kid at school ( for safety's sake let's call him Spike) brought in 2 of these and they were playing airplane on the playground with them. Spike told Junior he could "take it home and keep it forever and ever."

Nice. Sharing, that's what they're teaching in school these days...

Of course he was thrilled - he's five, he loves guns and shit. He doesn't know. We had a nice loooong talk - and another when Dad got home. After Hubby got thru explaining (to me) what could have happened with a bullet like that, I felt sick to my stomach.

What I would really like to hear is your reactions. Am I over reacting? Under-reacting? What should I expect from the school? From the other parents? Anything?

Should I just let it go? I need some advice.

Oh Hell No!

Have you seen the Dairy Queen commercial with the animated shrimp eating popcorn (shrimp)?

Dairy Queen (I cannot figure out how to get it on the page, sorry)

The deal is that that the Mom and the Dad shrimp are eating this awesome popcorn which turns out to be their own baby shrimp..nice, huh?

I've laughed it a little, but AJ just saw it tonight and has spent the last 3 hours asking me if the shrimp were eating their babies and why. "Why, why, why would those shrimp eat their poor little babies...why???"

I imagine most of you are like my hubby, laughing your asses off from a safe distance...(I know where you sleep, buddy)

And I do realize it's really kind of funny, in a twisted sort of way...but dude will NOT.GO.TO BED!!

"the poor little shrimpies, Mama...are they dead now? Are they sad?"

Guess who's going to bed with me....? *sigh*

In need of bloggy love...

Please take a minute to visit Yummy Mummy and leave her some love. She could really use it...

Some Auntie Lyn Love

Sorry we missed the date...

We were thinking about you, tho. AJ asks all the time (9 times a day, at least) when you're coming to visit! We are SO excited!!

Any excuse to drop his pants...

I just called AJ's school. I forgot to tell them about his huge, swollen, nasty leg and I thought I should tell them - you know, just in case (so they didn't think I was some awful mom, beating him or something - I'm paranoid).

Turns out - it was totally unnecessary.

It's always a bad sign when the director of the school bursts out laughing as soon as she hears my voice. (don't even ask why she knows me by voice). Turns out Mister had already dropped trow in class. They tried to convince him to pull his pants back up, but he insisted that he needed to tell everyone "what happens when you are five".

She said it was hysterical listening to a bunch of 5 year olds telling their "doctor office war stories".

Luckily, mine was the only kid with exposure issues. Sigh.

I'm not really a moron...

I just kind of look like one right now...

It's all my own fault. I realize that. It all started right before Christmas when I decide to try to be organized (should have known then, that it would all end badly).

Flashback to the 15th of December. Through my bank's Bill Pay, I scheduled my mortgage payment to go out on the 1st of January. My thinking was that will the holidays and all I would be really busy and this way I wouldn't have to worry.

You can see where I'm going with this, can't you?

Yep. Paid it twice.

The good news is that I don't have to pay it again until March...the bad news is that we don't really have a bunch of extra money just lying around waiting to be overspent.

So, I panicked, briefly...and then did what I had to do to cover my ass. Luckily for my dumb ass, I had a credit card that was almost paid off, with a 0% interest offer. Bonus! I wrote myself a check and all was well.

Flash-forward to Friday. Grabbed the mail out of the mailbox after picking AJ up from school. I had a hour before his 5 year check up and shot festival. Now, I don't want to give you the wrong idea about me, but I know what it looks like when the bank sends an overdraft notice - and I was holding one in my sweaty little hand.
"damn it" How was that even possible? I know I had everything covered!

I won't bore you with a long dialogue about the bank phone calls, the credit card company calls and the two visits to the bank I had to make...I'll just tell you that is was my fault (again). I had $40 left on the credit card I used to fix my bank account. And the $10 payment that was due? I paid it 3 days late. So they refused the check. By the time I even found out about it (no notification from bank or CC Comp.) I had $295 in late fees, a $19 fee from the returned check from the bank and $39 from the CCC, and my account was -$550. HOLY CRAP.

Luckily for me, the bank was extremely helpful and refunded the fees. Hubby was not quite as understanding, but once i explained it was fixed (again) he wasn't too mad.

Everything is all straightened out, but I feel like a HUGE moron. I'm normally much better at managing "things", really I am.

Do you even want to hear about the doctors appointment? It was all good, except the screaming(no, not mine, although I might have had a tear or two). The problems came the following day (yeah, I had a great weekend) I guess that the Tetanus/Diphtheria vaccine can cause a bad reaction after the fourth shot (guess which one we just got?).

Little man's leg was HUGE. It didn't seem to bother him, but Hubby and I were going a little crazy watching the huge red hot lump in his leg!

It's much better tonight.

So, a fresh start to a new week...hopefully with fewer moronic moments...