I'm laughing, I'm crying...ok, there's really more crying.

My son has discovered Jesus.

There are those of you who are thanking God right now that I have actually managed to pass on something worthwhile to the poor boy...screw you guys, it was an accident.

He is going to a private, Catholic kindergarten. Right, now pick yourselves up off the floor, stop laughing and pay attention to the rest of the sordid story.

Prior to his induction in this most sacred institution (I totally wrote 'scared' the first time i tried to type sacred, hee hee) his idea of Jesus Christ was...and I quote...

"Jesus Christ is a swear word and when you say it, you get nailed to a cross and then crucified"

Then beer came out of my nose and I yelled "Je-sus Christ! Where did you hear that?!"
Yep. Mom of the Year. That's me. I know you are all so very proud.
Now, before we have to have a religious discussion, let me say that I'm am not proud of that, so much as unhappy that I couldn't place all the blame squarely on my husband"s head...continuing on with my story...

Enter Catholic School and now every time I turn around, Jesus is upset with me over something. I just can't catch a break. Evidently, that guy is EVERYWHERE (or so I'm told)

Recently, AJ got sent home from school. I had sent him to his room, so as to make "day at home with Mommy" less of a reward, when i heard him talking...

"Dude, who are you talking to?"

"I'm talking to Jesus."

"Really. Well, what does Jesus have to say?"

"He says that he is a little disappointed in you."

"In me? Really? Why would he be disappointed in me?"

"Because you are mad at me for getting sent home from school."

"I would think he would be more disappointed in you for getting sent home from school."

"yeah, well - Jesus loves me. My teacher said so"

*silence*

(mumble, mumble)

"that is Jesus' last name Mommy, you aren't supposed to say it like that"


We were going along fine after that. Well, not really - he is having a horrible time at school. Not with learning, he is reading, writing, adding and telling time - not bad for kindergarten...but he can't sit still or pay attention or listen to his teachers. He talks and makes noises in class, runs away and tears up his work with little or no provocation.

So, I guess I shouldn't really be too surprised that he was "suspended" today. I really had no idea they could do that to a 5 year old. They may let him back if we can come up with a plan with a pediatrician. (Secretly, I think that means after we medicate him)

I was so very against those types of medications, especially for a child so young...but I'm trying to be open minded I'm trying to think of what is best for my beautiful boy. He has to be so unhappy, he knows we aren't happy with his behavior and yet it never changes. We haven't had a "good day" in longer than I can remember.

I just want him to have a good life - to be happy - to have friends - for others to see him like I do, not just as a problem.

Do any of you have any experience with this? any advice? Any way to get Jesus off my back?

ick

On a stranger note...

I love you Jason Statham, I really do. But Crank 2 was just awful. Sorry.
I finally get a night off and this is what you give me? Even the sight of your naked ass couldn't make this movie any better.

OMG, I'm So happy!!! (you guys Rawk!)

So, I wrote that whiny blog post on Saturday...

But I was feelin' pretty good, because it had been so long and I have missed you all SO much. I didn't even realize until yesterday that I hadn't gotten any notifications about comments.

I was kinda sad...BUT it has been months since I blogged. I figured you guys would notice me, eventually. (sniff, sniff)

Then I peeked today and saw all the comments!!! YAY!! You all are the best friends - EVER!!

I have so many stories to tell you...

But really - thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you all
(i fixed my email notification, by the way. I've missed a bunch of comments -sorry everyone)

Tales of my death have been widely exaggerated...but I might be slightly more crazy than before

Wow. It took about five minutes of staring at the date on my last post, to be brave enough to hit "new post". What do I say to y'all??

Thanks for continuing to follow me?
Thanks for being patient?

It has been so long since i have talked to anyone, written anyone one or even had a chance to analyze my own feelings. I kept telling myself I was too busy to blog and that it wouldn't really help anyway. That I wouldn't be able to put my true feelings here, because certain people could read it and it would hurt their feelings, because I'm in a different place now and the same people might not be interested in what I have to say now.

Well....

The hell with that.

This is MY blog. I'll say what ever the hell I like and if you don't like it, please don't read it anymore.

If you are involved in my current life and don't like reading me bitch about how completely F'ed up it is - go away. I am allowed to feel anyway I like and to express that anyway I like. So there. (By the way, my potty mouth is much worse than before , so excuse the swearing - it will get worse, I promise)

So, here is the story in a nutshell...

Hubby lost job, hubby got unemployment - did side jobs for cash - all was well. Old friend called with offers for jobs for both of us. Although I didn't want to go back to full time work, especially in restaurant, we decided it would be a positive move for family. We sold our lovely house (oh, my beautiful kitchen), left all my family (including my 86 YO Gramma) and all of our friends, sold most of our stuff and moved to Utah (in 3 weeks).

Fast forward three months.

I am working 50+ hours a week for someone who treats me like a moron. A stupid moron. For a pitiful amount of money. My poor husband works 10-12 hours a day, six days a week - and gets paid nothing. My beautiful, smart, funny, sensitive boy is in Catholic School kindergarten and acting out like crazy. We live in a rented trailer with no yard and a tiny kitchen and I want to go home SO badly I can barely stand it.

There isn't even anyone I can blame. Hubby tries to blame himself, but we agreed, so that's no fair. I agreed to the temporarily small salary, but I had no idea it was going to be this bad. And "supposedly" hubby is going to be a partner in this business he's doing - but he is the only one putting in the hours he does, away from his family and he is the only one not getting paid. And they don't think he deserves a full partnership...yet.

I have been so fuckin' angry and lost and confused. And sad and stupidly guilty. I'm trying not to add to hubby's stress...but I just want to yell and scream and swear...

Ok, enough whining.

How are you guys?

I have tried to read - here and there. But it's hard to spend ANY of the time I have away from work, doing anything but hangin' with my boy.

I promise to be here more, to write more, to listen more...I'll probably say "fuck" more, but you can forgive that, can't you?

I think feeling so alone has actually made this whole thing much worse. I need you guys - I need my friends...

So, I'm back. Still love me?